you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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