walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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