Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
