I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
