i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
