omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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