lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
