I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
