I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
