After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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