yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
