Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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