I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I didn't notice because vodka
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
