so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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