It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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