No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
