worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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