I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
