The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
