i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
