One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
