I'm gonna have a badass scar
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
