Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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