Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize