i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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