She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
