You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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