I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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