I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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