i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Im part way to drunk.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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