the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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