Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
