You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
