Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
