Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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