it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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