Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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