You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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