there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
