Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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