I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
