You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
