Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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