There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We have started to decorate penises.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
