I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
