TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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