The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
