Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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