omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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