Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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