i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
