Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think my moral compass just broke
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
