Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
handjob tips. give me some.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
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