I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
