I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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