He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
