No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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