Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
