So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
