i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
