Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
