hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize