everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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