I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Where are you guys?
Drunk
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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