my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
